Discovering Merlin
by AdriDavis934
Summary: Arthur, Gwen, and the knights are about to discover who Merlin truly is. With help of passed friends, Merlin will discover how brave he really is and who is real friends are. Can Arthur accept Merlin for who he really is? Even if it means changing his whole perspective of the world?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin. I am not making any money off this. I'm merely borrowing characters and making them live out my fantasies! n_n

A bright light flashed. Ånd then, there was nothing but darkness. When Arthur could see, he knew he was not in Camelot. He looked to his side, to see Merlin stirring. Merlin jolted to an up right position.

"Arthur," he called out, his voice saturated in worry.

"I'm right here," Arthur said, getting to his feet.

Merlin stood up and walked over to him.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. What happened?"

"No clue," Merlin said.

A flash of light temporarily blinded them again. When their eyes adjusted, they saw Gwen, Elyan, Percival, Gwaine, and Leon. Arthur cried out to his wife, running to her. Merlin walked over to make sure the knights were okay. After confirmation they got together to try to figure out what was happening.

"Well, it's certainly magic," Arthur said, his voice held malice in it. Merlin winced.

"Very observational," Merlin said, dryly.

"I don't see you trying to figure out what this is," Arthur shot back.

Another flash of light and Guias joined their ranks.

Merlin ran to him, making sure he was okay.

Another flash of light and Hunith appeared.

"Mum!" Merlin said, running to make sure she was okay. He wrapped his arms around her.

Another flash of light appeared. When their eyes adjusted after the bright, blinding flash, they saw a man. "Will!" Arthur said.

Merlin walked toward Will, leaving his mother's side. Tears slid down the young warlock's cheeks.

Arthur pressed his hand against his servant's shoulder as he passed by.

"Will?" Merlin's voice shook. "What's going on?"

Merlin stopped just short of Will, unsure of he could touch his best friend.

Will answered Merlin's silent question by reaching out a pulling Merlin into a hug.

Merlin's sobs echoed throughout the room.

Tears fell down Gwen and Hunith's faces.

The Knight's expressions were equally somber, most confused as to who Will was.

Guias looked on, his expression similar to Arthur's, knowing that nothing good is about to happen.

Will whispered something into Merlin's ear. The normally pale man grew even more pale. Shaking, he turned to face the rest of the people gathered. Tears fell hard and fast. Arthur placed his hand on the hilt of his sword. His knights followed suit.

Merlin walked by him, placing his hand on Arthur's shoulder.

"'S alright," he said, his voice thick and hoarse.

He walked to Guias and Hunith and whispered to them.

Arthur watched as their faces turned from curious to horrified. Hunith let out a small shriek.

Gwen glanced over at Arthur, unsure of what to do.  
Merlin wrapped his arms around his mother.

After a beat, he left her arms and walked back to Will and nodded his head.

Will gave him a sympathetic smile.

"Could everyone gather here?" Will asked, getting the spread out group in one place. "Good. You are going to learn about Merlin. Who he is, and how he came to be in Camelot. You will know him as well as I did before this is all over, nay, even more than I did. It's not going to be easy. Merlin is as complex as he is caring." Will gave him a smile.

"You will not judge him until you know the full story. Every story teller will be responsible for highlighting the most important parts of his tale. Yeah, I won't be here the whole time. Like I said before, this is not my doing. I, like you, was invited. There will be others after my time is done. Are there any questions?"

There were a million questions floating between all 10 occupants, but none of them voiced them.

"Alright then, let's begin!"

A/N

Thank you so much for reading! Please favorite and follow and leave me a comment on what you think! I'd love to hear from you!

-Adri


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow! I'm so surprised by the response I've already gotten! I mean, wow! So just a little refresher and clarification:**

 **Will was Merlin's best friend in Ealdor. We meet him in Season 1 Episode 10. This is the episode where Hunith shows up at Camelot with a black eye and begs for Uther's help with a bandit named Kanen that's been terrorizing their village and taking all their harvest. Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, and Morgana all go to Ealdor to fight him off. That's where we meet Will. He was very distrustful of anyone royal, so he was reluctant to cooperate with Arthur. Will ends up jumping in front of an arrow aimed for Arthur, saving his life. In his last moments, Will confesses to making that whirlwind to defeat Kanen's group to protect Merlin.**

 **Addressing a comment made: Yes, Will is dead. I guess I didn't say it in the story but all of the "storytellers" (the people who are revealing stuff about Merlin) are going to be characters who have passed on and are very important to Merlin (so you can guess as to who is going to be in this n_n). And yes, Will does seem to be type to not show affection, however, in the episode, Will does give Merlin a hug and at the end, Will is in tears and admits to Merlin that he's scared. Arthur (who seems to be less affectionate than Will) also lets his guard down around Merlin. I think it's a Merlin thing. There's just something about him. Also, like you mentioned in your comment, I'm assuming that being dead makes one more willing to be affectionate to loved ones.**

 **The T rating is really just in case. There will probably be a lot of cussing, especially as Arthur starts to realize the truth, so be warned, there will be language (such as the F bomb). Also later on there will probably be torture scenes that might could get graphic. *nods***

 **Okay, wow. Now, onto the story!**

With another flash of light, they appeared in a different location.

Everyone blinked and looked around.

"We're in Ealdor," Merlin said, recognizing his home in an instant.

"Right you are, Merlin," said Will.

"What are we doing here?" asked Elyan.

"Well, I figured in order to tell a story, you need to start at the beginning. Yeah?" Will said.

Elyan nodded.

A cry came from the village.

Arthur's training and instinct took over and he at once placed his hand on the hilt of his sword, ready to defend. His knights followed suit.

"Will," said Hunith, "when you say we're starting at the beginning, do you mean, the beginning?"

Will nods and Hunith shares a worried look between Guias and Merlin, one that Gwen notices. She gives Merlin a curious look, one that Merlin ignores. She'll find out soon enough.

Will starts forward, motioning for the others to follow. He opens the door to Hunith's home, motioning for the others to get in. With all ten occupants, it's cramped. The only furniture in the one roomed hut was a small table with two chairs and mattress on the ground. On the bed was a younger Hunith, and swaddled in her arms was a just born Merlin.

"Wait, so have we traveled in time?" Gwen asked.

"No," said Will. "These are memories."

"Whose memories?" asked Leon.

"The universe's."

They all turn their attention to the scream that came from Hunith. Baby Merlin was no longer in his mother's arms. He was floating in the air, a gold light surrounded Merlin. Hunith's screams continued. Her eyes filled with terror.

Baby Merlin giggled, and reached his little hand out, as if trying to catch the light.

Gwen smiled. Arthur, on the other hand, looked horrified.

"What the Hell is going on?" he demanded.

The light surrounding Merlin dissipated and Merlin fell to the ground. Gwen screamed and all the knights made to go catch him, knowing it was too late. Merlin, however, bounced up from the ground and landed on the bed with a giggle, not a scratch in sight.

"Even as a baby, you're clumsy as all get out," Gwaine jokes with the adult Merlin. Merlin shows a small smile before his face is overcast again with worry.

Arthur turns to him, his hands shaking.

"Merlin, what the fuck?"

Merlin's eyes pleaded with Arthur. A sadness Arthur had never seen before enveloped Merlin's demeanor. An aura so unlike Merlin filled the room. The normally happy-go-lucky man seemed to hold the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Merlin sucked in a breath, and looked up at Arthur, his eyes, which are usually a brilliant blue were now molten gold.

Arthur sucked in a breath, and his hand instinctively went to his sword. The hurt in Merlin's eyes said everything.

"Arthur, I am magic," Merlin said. His voice was strong and clear. A smile started to spread on Merlin's face. The choice of words filling him with confidence.

"This is my birthright, Arthur. I'm a warlock. Born of magic. I. Am. Magic."

A smile formed on Gwaine's face.

"Well, damn. We're all really stupid that we never caught on. Looking back, it's obvious."

"How so?" asked Percival.

"Random falling branches precisely when we need them to, getting through the forest on our way to the dark tower, things falling, diversions being created when we didn't do it…" Gwaine turned to face Merlin.

"It was all you. You've been saving us for a while, haven't you?" Gwaine asked.

Merlin nodded, his eyes boring into Arthur's.

"I use my magic for you, Arthur, only you. I am your loyal servant, and your discreet bodyguard, and it is my pleasure, my destiny, to do so until I take my final breath in this world."

 **A/N: So I don't really know when this story takes place in the Merlin timeline. I was thinking after the final episode obviously ignoring cannon, because we all ignore cannon. But maybe not? I'm not too sure yet. I haven't really planned this out, I just started writing. I guess you'll know when I know. Anywho, that's all.**

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please follow, favorite, and review! I love hearing from you!**

 **Xoxo Adri**


	3. Chapter 3

GUYYYSSSS! I'm so excited! These reviews, follows, and favorites make me so ridiculously happy! I was posting about it on Facebook and my hubby is thinking I'm crazy because of how happy this has made me. I appreciate every single one of you! *heart* Also, I just now saw how short my chapters have been, so I'll work on making my updates longer! *smiles*

Anyyywhooo, I still don't own Merlin. Just so you know.

Kk, story time!

An eerie silence echoed through the room. Merlin held his breath as he looked at each and every one of his closest friends. Gwen, Elyan, and Leon looked troubled. Gwaine and Percival, who did not grow up in Camelot and under Uther's tyranny, held easy smiles on their faces. As if it was so believable. As if it was okay.

Arthur, however, looked betrayed, and that cut Merlin, like a dagger through the heart. His stomach was in knots and a lump was in his throat, making breathing a very difficult task. He couldn't take it if Arthur stayed mad.

"Remember what I said about no judging until you know everything. And know that it will take a very long time. We have so many memories to go through, so many stories that need to be told," Will said, pacing his hand on Merlin's shoulder. He pointed to memory Hunith, drawing everyone's attention to it. It was as if the memory had paused for the explanation.

Hunith's cries continued, even though baby Merlin was perfectly safe.

"My baby," she cried. The agony in her voice was so clear. Tears streaked down Gwen's face. All the knights looked troubled. Even Arthur looked disturbed at Hunith's pain; knowing how strong of a woman she was.

"My baby. They're gunna kill my baby. My sweet, precious Merlin."

She held baby Merlin so tight, he started to wiggle, obviously uncomfortable.

"NO! No, I can't lose you. You're all I have. Oh, please, goddess, do something. Take him away."

Her grip tightened and Merlin started to cry.

"Hunith! Let go, you're gunna kill him," cried Gwen.

The real Hunith started crying at the memory, ashamed. Merlin held her in his arms, giving her a kiss on the head.

Guais placed his hand on Hunith's shoulder.

"Please," memory Hunith pleaded with no one, "Please, take him away from this world, I can't bear it."

Shaking and crying, she slowly released her grip on Merlin.

He placed his tiny hand against her cheek and looked into her teary eyes. Shame filled Hunith and she cried.

"No. I'll protect you, Merlin, I swear it. I will do anything to protect you. I'll teach to to not trust anyone, to be anti-social. I'll teach you to fear those in power. I'll do anything I can to make sure you are never, ever found out. Please, Merlin, listen to mummy. Don't ever do magic again. Okay? Never!"

Everything fades to black and they are in a normal room again. There is now a large table and chairs and rows of mattresses and blankets.

"Anyone hungry?" asked Will.

Everyone agreed that stopping for food would be good.

They ate and talked amongst themselves. Well, the knights did at least. Arthur glared at Merlin, obviously still upset, Merlin looked at Arthur, hoping with every glance, he'd be more accepting, and Hunith and Guias held a whispered conversation.

"Is everyone ready for another memory?" asked Will.

Everyone nodded.

"Well, let's get to it."

They were still in Hunith's hut, but time had obviously passed. Part of the roof was coming apart, Hunith looked years older, and Merlin was now a toddler.

It was storming outside. Rain was pooling on the floor. Hunith bustled around, putting the few bowls she had under the bigger leaks, trying to keep the water out. Blankets were on the floor.

"I wish I could get this fixed," she said, muttering to herself.

Baby Merlin looked from his mother to the roof. His eyes turned gold and the leaks stopped. Hunith looked from the roof to Merlin.

Merlin smile at his mother.

"Water goes bye bye," he said, giggling and clapping his hands.

Everyone smiled at the small Merlin. Even Arthur. It was a very Merlin thing to do.

Memory Hunith looked torn. Grateful for the roof being fixed, but horrified that Merlin was doing magic.

"Merlin, baby, remember what we talked about?"

Merlin's smile faded and his expression turned somber. He held his finger up to his lips.

Hunith nodded and mimicked his movements.

"We never tell. We never trust," they said together.

A/N:

Sorry, this is still short. I wanted to make it longer, but this seemed like a good break. Plus also, I haven't updated yet.

Speaking of updating, my updates might get a little sporadic. I have two kids, I just got a full time position at my work (I'm a librarian!), and I'm about to start grad school. So yes, all good things, but it also means my time will start to get limited. I promise I'll keep this up, but I'm just saying, I might not be posting daily! I hope that's okay with everyone.

*Adri


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry that this chapter is so short. I'm trying to update every day. Also, I felt like this was the best place to break. I might try to upload again tonight. We'll see. I still don't own Merlin.

Another memory took place of the one they'd just seen.

Merlin was older now, probably five or six. He was outside playing by himself. Hunith hardly ever let him out, but she needed to go help a patient and Merlin had begged relentlessly. When he looked up at her with his big blue eyes, she caved.

A large group of children passed by Merlin.

A boy pointed and shouted

"Hey, look. It's the bastard!"

All the children laughed and chanted bastard until Merlin walked away.

"Come back here, you freak!" one of the children taunted.

"You're a monster that nobody likes," another shouted.

"I'm not a bastard," Merlin said as he walked toward the woods.

He came to a big tree and sat against it. Little Merlin started crying.

The knights looked angered.

"Let me at them," said Gwen, shaking her fist.

"He got teased mercilessly from this day and every day after until he left for Camelot," said Hunith, looking at her brilliant son sadly.

"He endured a lot," added Guias.

"Don't worry, it'll be okay," said Will, smiling.

Merlin sat chatting happily to the tree he was sitting by.

"Anyways, so I broke the plate. I haven't told mummy yet, because she'll get mad, but maybe I don't have to tell her. Maybe I can fix…" he trailed off realizing he was about to say something he shouldn't.

He sat for a minute looking at his hands.

"Do you think I'm a monster?" he asked the tree.

The tree gave no reply, but the knights were all shouting.

"Not a damn monster," mumbled Percival, staring furiously.

"Stupid snot nosed kids need to keep their traps shut," Elyan hissed with Leon agreeing.

"Merlin, you're not a monster!" shouted Gwaine furiously. "You're the kindest, most decent human I've ever met. You're the purest soul. Please, don't ever say that about yourself."

Adult Merlin's eyes swam with tears. He blinked them away rapidly, trying to gain some control.

"Thanks, Gwaine," he said.

Memory Merlin nodded.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I am a monster. That's why nobody likes me. That's why they all make fun of me, avoid me, they even hurt mum, because of me. Maybe it was better if I wasn't here."

Gwaine glared at the adult Merlin.

"What did I just tell you?" he asked, growling.

"I'm sorry, Gwaine, I can't hear you," Melin said, pointing to his younger self.

Arthur gave Merlin a small smile, which was quickly replaced by a scowl.

A small voice called them back to the memory.

"Why are you talking to a tree?"

Everyone turned to see a boy walking towards Merlin. He was larger than Merlin, both in height and stature.

"No reason," said Merlin.

"I think I know why," said the boy. He continued. "I think you're that boy everyone talks about. The weird one that no one ever really sees. The bastard, the freak."

Young Merlin's eyes glisten. The boy smiles.

"Who the Hell does this kid think he is?" said Elyan, his voice rising with his temper.

"Damn kid's lucky he's just a memory, or I'd pound him," said Gwaine. Gwen hit Gwaine's shoulder.

"Ow, what was that for?"

Gwen placed her hands on her hips.

"He may be an ass, but he's still a child. You can't hit children." Gwaine scowled at her.

"But," she continued, "you can scare the shit out of them." A smile played on her lips.

Gwaine grinned at her.

"Right you are," he said.

"You're Merlin," the boy said.

"See, why couldn't he have just said that," said Percival.

"Because he's an ass," said Merlin, smiling.

The boy smiled and continued.

"Oh, don't listen to them. They're idiots, the lot of them. They don't know anything, so don't let them get you down."

He holds out his hand to Merlin.

"Hi," he said with a smile taking up his whole face. "I'm Will."

Six angry faces turned to glare at Will.

"You really couldn't have been nicer?" asked Leon.

Will shrugged.

"Not my style," he said.

Merlin smiled at his best friend.

"He may be an ass, but it's a good thing, he's saved my hide a few times."

"Nothing changes there, then," said Arthur. He still was frowning, but his eyes seemed to have softened. Merlin took that as a sign he was coming around.

A/N: Sorry for leaving it there. I promise, things will start to pick up a little more. We'll soon be getting into where the series starts in like 3 or 4 chapters? Maybe? You'll know when I know. Anywho, please read and review and follow and favorite. All that good stuff. You don't know how happy it makes me to get e-mails saying people have reviewed and stuff.

*Adri


	5. Chapter 5

Guys, I'm so sorry this update is super late. I've gotten really busy, but I promise I won't stop updating. This chapter was very tricky for me. Also, I just realized I've been spelling Gaius's name wrong this whole time! : 0 I'm sowwwy! I'll fix that at some point in time. But from now on, I promise to spell his name write. ; )

Warning: This chapter contains a torture scene and scar reveal.

And onwards!

A montage of memories follow. Will and Merlin hide from bullies in a tree. Will and Merlin horse play while Hunith tries to cook. Will standing up for Merlin against a boy who pushed Merlin to the ground. (To which Will received many thanks from the onlookers.) Merlin hides from Will when he's upset with him. Merlin and Will hug while making up. Merlin using magic to protect Will from a mace. The montage faded and the real Merlin and Will smiled at each other, remembering vividly every memory.

A new memory appeared.

Merlin is older by several years. He sat alone by his tree in the woods. Beyond the woods lies Old Man Simmons's place. Merlin made a fire using magic and sat staring at it.

"So that's how you are so good at starting fires," said Leon.

Merlin smiled at him.

"I've always been good at fire. Not so great with healing spells though," he said, a pained expression forming on his face.

"YOU!"

Everyone jumped at the deep yell.

Memory Merlin looked up and saw two older boys headed his way. He cursed under his breath.

"Yes?"

"Causing trouble, are you?" one said.

Merlin looked as though he was thinking about it.

"No, I try to stay out of trouble. Mother worries a lot."

"She should. Your kind should be burned."

"In fact, you're in a lot of trouble. I know it was you who almost toppled a tree onto Old Man Simmons's house," said the other boy.

Merlin's face went from confused to defiant.

"I did not."

"You did."

"Clotpole."

"What did you call me?"

The two boys charged Merlin.

They grabbed Merlin by his and drug him through the woods to Old Man Simmons's barn.

Merlin fought against them, but was too weak.

"Let go of me," Merlin screamed. They didn't.

The knights looked around, wanting to help, but obviously, they couldn't.

They threw him into the barn. He skid across the floor and hit his head against the wall. The door shut and he ran to it. It was blocked and he couldn't get out, no matter how hard he pushed.

"Fantastic," said Merlin. He sat on the ground against the wall of the barn.

"Um. Mate," said Gwaine, "why didn't you just magic yourself out?"

Merlin looked at Arthur while answering.

"There was no need," he said simply.

Arthur raised his eyebrows.

"What do you mean there was no need? You were drug to the barn, thrown and locked in," said Arthur.

"Look. I have magic. But just because I have it doesn't mean I should use it. Just like your sword. It's good that you have it for when you need it, but if you use it in the wrong way and in the wrong circumstance, it just makes everything worse."

Arthur nodded.

They turned their attention back to the memory. The Memory Merlin stood up, brushing the dirt off himself. The door opened and the guys walked back in, accompanied by an old man.

"Mr. Simmons, why am I here?"

"Because, you little brat, I'm going to teach you a lesson. Well, Triston and Arthur will teach you a lesson. I want you to know that your kind isn't welcome here."

"And what kind is that, sir?"

"A sorcerer," he said.

Merlin didn't say anything.

"Admit it, bastard. You're one of them. A piece of magic scum. I should out you to the king."

"Do what you want," said Merlin. "I haven't done anything wrong."

"Well," said Old Man Simmons, "we'll make sure you won't."

William grabbed him and tied his arms up to two posts.

Triston grabbed a whip and started whipping Merlin.

At first, Merlin fought the shrieks, but he soon broke and started screaming for them to stop.

"Please," he sobbed, as blood trickled down his face from being hit by William, "stop."

"Merlin, mate, I know you don't like to use magic when you don't need to, but this was one time you really needed to," said Elyan, looking like he was going to throw up.

"Merlin, why did you never tell me about this?" asked Hunith, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I didn't want you to worry about me," said Merlin quietly.

Of course he did, thought Arthur.

"Merlin, if ever there was a time you needed to use magic, don't you think it would have been now to use it?" asked Percival.

Merlin smiled at him.

"No. I was alone, out in the open, unable to hide, with three people accusing me of sorcery. Using magic wouldn't have helped me. In fact, using magic would have made it worse."

Percival nodded at him.

There he is, thought Arthur. The wise Merlin that occasionally pops up.

They turned back to the memory when they heard a scream.

Triston held a knife up to Merlin's throat and cut straight across. Blood trickled down his neck.

"Is that why you were your neckerchief?" asked Gwen.

Merlin pulled his red neckerchief down, exposing a pale scar.

"How many scars do you have, Merlin?" asked Leon.

Merlin sighed then pulled his shirt up over his head. Hunith sobbed, Gaius held her, patting her back lightly. Gwen grasped onto Arthur, pressing her face into his chest, while he ran his hands through her hair, but unable to turn his eyes away from Merlin's bare chest.

His body was thinner than he thought. He could count every single bone. His pale flesh was marred by either white scars, making him look paler than he was, or red scars and burns. His body was laced with both thick ropey scars that traveled across his chest like a map. There were the occasional mace wounds and sword wounds. His eyes were pulled to the center of Merlin's chest, where a giant, crimson burn wound sat. He had a million questions for his servant, but he knew he'd found out soon enough, so he didn't say anything.

"That's not all," said Merlin in a soft voice. He took a deep breath and turned around. The knights all gasped at the serket sting they saw.

"How the hell did you survive?" asked Leon, who'd seen his fair share of serket victims.

"All will be revealed in time," said Will, sparing him from having to answer any questions. In addition to the sting, they saw the scars from the whipping they were witness to, along with more varied scars of different lengths and colors and textures.

Merlin put his shirt back on, and once again, looked like the foolish manservant that Arthur had come to love.

Arthur didn't know exactly what Merlin had been through, but it was obvious to him that whatever it was, it was undeserved and it was for Camelot. It was for him.

After Triston and William were done beating up Merlin, they let him loose. Merlin drug himself into the woods. He stopped by the stream and tried to wash off as much blood as he could. He closed his eyes, concentrating hard on something. When nothing happened, he slapped the water angrily. Giving up on whatever he was doing, he put his shirt back on. When he got back to his hut, he looked around to see if Hunith was there. When he didn't see her, he ran inside, tore up some shirts and tied the fabric around his neck. Satisfied, he laid on the floor and fell asleep.

The memory dissolved.

Merlin hugged his mom and whispered something in her ear. She smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

"I suggest we get some sleep," said Will.

Cots appeared and they each claimed one. Within minutes, everyone was asleep, sans Merlin and Arthur who stared at each other until exhaustion took them both.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N:

Guys, I have absolutely zero excuse for how long it's been. I really don't. I have had time to write, but I've put other projects ahead of this. To give you a little bit of insight into my life, I'm a mom to two, primary homemaker, I work 40+ hours a week, I'm a full time graduate student, and a writer. There have been so many changes in my life lately, including getting full custody of my (bonus) children, buying a house, and more. In addition, for a while (about a year or so) I was in a deep depression. It was hard for me to exist, let alone live. It's been a rough couple of years with a couple ups but a lot of downs. I've spent probably a year and a half of the past 2 years being depressed and not having the ability to do what I love. All I could do was the bare minimum to pass by. That being said, I feel incredibly better, right now. And I swear, I'm going to try to get back into this fic. Here's a little something to fill the void. I want to watch the parts of the series again to get myself back into this story. I apologize again for the large gap. If you're still around, I appreciate it. If you're still interested, thank you! Xx Best. Adri

Arthur lay in his cot, the events of the past few days swirling in his head. He could hardly believe or even process what was happening. His very best friend, a man he had known for years, the person he had grown to love more than anyone else in the world, and he felt like he didn't even know him. He felt his chest ache. He was dizzy, unable to focus. Not only the sting of betrayal he felt, though unintended it may have been, was a wound that would take time to heal. But seeing what Merlin went through was even more heartbreaking. And Arthur knew deep down in his soul that most of the scars he saw on his servant's body were for him. Attacks meant for him. Poisons meant for him. He put the one person he cared about most, perhaps besides Qwen, in so much danger. He couldn't stomach the thought. Could he sit through the rest of the story? Could he understand how deeply he hurt Merlin? Could he ever forgive himself?

Gwen lay in her cot, pretending to sleep. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She thought of sweet Merlin, the man who wouldn't' hurt a fly, even to save himself. She thought of the smile that lit up her darkness. She thought of his helpfulness, his humor. She thought of him, and she cried. She cried because, from his birth, he was judged. From the moment he came into this world, it was going to be hard on him. The world would be unfair and cruel to him, and it was. And there was nothing any of them could do. He had to suffer it all in silence. She couldn't bare the thought.

Hunnith, a normally strong woman, couldn't handle it. She'd failed her baby. She failed to protect him, the way she intended to. She cried into her pillow, feeling the wetness of the material expand. She couldn't breathe with how hard her tears fell and the lump that seemed permanently stuck in the center of her esophagus. The pain she felt would never go away. She would never redeem herself, even though Merlin would never hold her accountable. It was her fault. If only she'd paid attention.

Gauis knew all of this, of course. He'd tended to his wounds, he mentored him, he provided for him as best he could. And though he knew it all, watching the events as though he'd been there made it feel all the more real. He felt each would again, as though he was experiencing it himself. He could hardly fathom the pain poor Merlin had suffered. But Gauis knew one thing was for sure. Merlin was indeed the one prophesied about. He was the most powerful warlock to roam the Earth, and he would accomplish the goal of uniting the broken lands. Albion was in their grasp. All Merlin has to do is reach out for it, and it will be his. At long last, peace and magic would be returned to the land, and with it, a new era that would span generations.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Periodical reminder that I don't own Merlin. Because if I did, Arthur would've said I love you to Merlin in the last episode because men should be able to say I love you to the people they love. None of this toxic masculinity bs. Anyway, here's another chapter. We're going to be doing some feels things first and then back to plot.

The way Merlin and Will laughed was easy; effortless. There was more than familiarity. There was an ease in the way Merlin laughed. It was carefree and very different from the laugh Arthur loved. It was better. He felt a pang in his chest. This ache of heartbreak he'd come to know so well was a reminder that he'd never know that Merlin. The Merlin that existed without the power difference. The Merlin that could trust his secrets to him. For Arthur, the fact that we would never know that Merlin broke his heart more than any heartbreak he'd known.

Arthur stood up, without a word, and walked away.

Merlin could feel Arthur's gaze. He felt the longing he knew Arthur felt. He felt the disappointment. He felt the surrender. What Arthur didn't realize was that Merlin was himself with Arthur: his complete and hones self. With Will, Merlin had history. But with Arthur, he had so much more. The relationship, whatever it was, was honest, true, and powerful. It was self-sacrificing. It's depth; unfathomable. Merlin and Arthur were destined for greatness. The relationship was cosmic, written out through time and space. No one could ever replace the spot that Arthur took up in Merlin's soul.

Merlin stood up and followed.

Wherever Arthur went, Merlin would always follow.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thank you for the responses I've gotten! I'm so happy to be writing this again. I hope to update every week, but with my life, you never know. Xx

Arthur sat with his back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. There was nothing miraculous about it; nothing noteworthy, he just needed somewhere to divert his eyes, and mask the tears threatening to spill over. He drew a shaky breath. He felt like his heart was in his stomach and his world was tumbling around him, crashing into slivers of what used to be. Could he rebuild, from the same pieces. When you break a pot, you can glue the pieces together again all you like, it will never be the same.

Arthur heard Merlin approach. He didn't move. He didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say, or what could be said

Merlin sat beside his king, sliding down the wall. His lanky legs splayed out in front of him, his dangly arms awkwardly places on his lap. Merlin didn't know what to say to Arthur, and it wasn't as though Arthur would listen to anything he had to say. It was a vicious cycle he'd been trying to break. It seemed as if this discovery was a setback in all his progress. He'd somewhat successfully taken the spoiled, arrogant, bully of a prince and helped him become the caring and compassionate king he was destined to be. When the stars write your story, there's no denying them. As it was, Arthur and Merlin were a duo to be reckoned with, and it was thanks to Merlin, for the most part, that they were even on the track to the eternal glory that awaited them. But Arthur couldn't know all that yet. As Will said, it would take time and patience to fully understand Merlin's story, and by extension, all their stories.

Merlin sucked in a breath.

"Will was my best friend, my only friend, growing up. I had no one, outside of Mother, and then he came along. I will always cherish him and our friendship."

Merlin turned to look at Arthur.

"Look at me, Arthur."

The king obliged, turning his head. He tried to blink away the tears fogging his crystal eyes, but was unsuccessful.

"You are my king. I will spend all of my days watching after you and protecting you, as I have done since the day we met. But in all this time, you have become so much more than that. Don't you see, Arthur? I cherish you beyond anyone. You are the best friend I've ever known. You are my confidant, my guide in the dark. You are the reason I fight so hard. In you, I see the goodness that this world could have. I see a hopeful future, one without unnecessary bloodshed. In you, I place my trust, my life."

Merlin paused to gulp and take a breath. His voice tearful and shaky, but it didn't matter. It had to be said.

"Arthur, I love you more than I have loved anyone else. Will will always be special to me, but you are the one that I would willingly die for. You are the one who I will spend my days in servitude for. You, Arthur, are my very reason for existing. You are more than my best friend, you are my brother. I was told, by someone very wise, that we are the opposite sides of the same coin; opposing forces, working together for the same thing. I believe it.

Arthur wasn't trying to shield his tears now. They freely fell down his face. He touched his forehead to Merlin's, grasping each side of his head with his hands.

"Thank you, brother. I love you too."

He had never said it before, though he'd wanted to many times. It was the simplest of statements, but the most powerful and the most difficult. But saying it, and knowing he meant it with every fiber of his being was the most powerful and freeing moment of his life.

"I'm sorry," said Arthur, "I was jealous of the friendship between you and Will."

"It's because you're a clotpole," said Merlin, his famous grin spread across his face, but tears and adoration in his eyes.

They took a minute to gather their thoughts and collect themselves before they reentered the room occupied by everyone else.

When they did walk in, it was together, and it was typical Merlin and Arthur; pushing and insulting each other.

"Alright," said Arthur, "what's the next memory we see?"

Will looked Merlin in the eyes, and Merlin felt a sense of doom devour him.

"The reason Merlin left home, and went to Camelot."

Merlin paled, panic setting into his features. He shook from head to toe and collapsed to the ground, crying in agony.

The occupants of the room looked at each other in fear. Only Arthur had the capacity to move next to him.

"What the Hell happened?"


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: The cliffhanger was too good to pass up! There was only one thing that I could think of that would break Merlin so much, so here it is. I hope to update every Sunday!

Merlin finally came to his senses.

"I'm sorry, everyone. It's my worst memory. A nightmare that plagues me to this day. I fear I will never find redemption. No one can ever come back from what I did…"

Hunith interrupted him.

"It wasn't your fault, Merlin. You know that."

"I did it."

"You didn't mean to."

Will stepped in.

"Well, we'll just find out then."

He pointed to the side, where an older Merlin sat. He was rocking back and forth, scratching at his body with a fever. His eyes looked wild and crazed.

"What's wrong with you, mate?" asked Gwaine.

"It's the magic. If I go too long without using it, it tries to find a way out. I went 2 weeks without doing any magic, and this is what happened," said Merlin, the regret palatable.

The older/young Merlin rocked and rocked, his skin started bleeding from him digging his nails too deep into his skin.

"Can't use it," he said. "Almost caught. Can't use it anymore."

Arthur looked at Merlin.

"When you don't use it, it builds up in you? How many times has this happened to you while in Camelot?"

Merlin gave Arthur a sad smile. Arthur paled. They turned their attention back to the memory.

Memory Merlin cried out in pain. He couldn't stand the pain. He couldn't stand the itching. It was taking everything in him to not explode. He writhed on the ground, sobbing for relief. Leaves stuck in his hair, his body rolled over twigs and dirt. His shrieks were heartbreaking. Finally, when all the onlookers thought they'd seen enough, something changed. There was a calm that broke out in the memory. The air stood still, the screaming stopped. There was no sound. And then, the wind rushed and the screaming increased and a blinding red light shot out of him. His breath was labored and heavy. His joints were in agonizing pain. He felt weak, unable to move. When he eventually rolled over onto his front, he hoisted himself up with his elbows. Slowly, he stood up and breathed deep. He walked a little to regain his balance and the function of his legs. He walked along the trail, back to his village, but a light stopped him. Old Man Simmons house was destroyed. Merlin ran to the house. He fished through the rubble. He saw Old Man Simmons and pulled him from the rubble. It was too late; he was dead. He continued looking, hoping that his wife had been out in the village, but no luck. There she was: her body broken and very much dead. But she wasn't alone. Merlin fell to his knees, sobbing.

Those watching couldn't see properly until he pulled away from the rubble. Cradled in his arms was a young girl with long strawberry hair that hung down over Merlin's arm. His kissed her forehead and sat her down next to her grandparents, crying and shaking.

Suddenly, everyone knew what had happened. They all shouted his innocence.

"You didn't know what was happening," said Gwaine.

"It wasn't your fault, Merlin," said Percival.

"You couldn't have known," said Elyan.

Gwen gave him a sad smile.

"It wasn't your fault, Merlin."

Arthur had no words of comfort for his friend. He just watched as the man fell apart at the memory, watching the guilt clear on his face. He couldn't have known, but it didn't mean that he didn't do it. And it would be a burden that Merlin would carry with him, for the rest of his days.

"So that's why you came to Camelot?" asked Arthur.

Merlin nodded, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

"I couldn't use it. I couldn't control it. I needed to find somewhere where I could learn."

Hunith touched Gaius's shoulder.

"Hunith wrote to me about what happened. She knew that if she sent him to me, he'd learn to control his power. He could learn about magic. But I did warn her that by him being there, he was at risk for death. We both would be. But I didn't care about me, he needed a guide. I swore I'd look out for him and teach him everything I knew."

Merlin hugged the man.

"And you have. Thank you."


End file.
